Your Body as a Compass:

When I was eighteen years old, I was working very hard at a summer camp. I wasn’t sleeping enough, and I was physically exhausting myself. I was planning to start university in the fall. My mom visited me in the summer while I was working. I really wanted to stop working and go home with her. I needed her support, but I didn’t want to let my employers down. I couldn’t even tell my mom what I wanted. I had spent the last couple years of high school living with other families and I missed her. Instead, I finished the summer work. When I got to the coast, I had to sort through all my stuff to get ready to move for university. I notice when I am stressed that I tend to sort through my belongings wanting to get rid of stuff. I think that I was trying to organize my stuff to lessen the emotional load and to gain some control over what I am unable to speak to or ask for.

When I arrived in Victoria and moved in with my new roommates, I felt overwhelmed by everything. Navigating a new city, having roommates I didn’t know, and going to classes that were challenging (I had chosen biology which had math which was not a good fit for me) made me even more anxious. This led to a very fearful state.

Looking back I see many factors that contributed to this episode. In these next four blog posts, I will look at how an exhausted, depleted body contributes to an episode and how learning to hear your body’s wisdom is an amazing tool for mental health wellness. Specifically, sleep, diet, and exercise are crucial components in keeping your body well.

In all my episodes, I was pushing my body to its limits, while becoming exhausted from stress. Leading up to my episodes, there were ways my body was letting me know that things were escalating. My sleep would start to become irregular, and I would have a difficult time either falling asleep or staying asleep. I felt physically and mentally exhausted from life’s stress, and would develop sensations of anxiety in my body. I would start to not eat as much from the anxiety. This would contribute to more sleeplessness as I went to bed hungry. The more sleep deprived, the more I closer I was getting to an episode.

Our bodies are incredibly intuitive and wise and send us information in the form of sensations, emotions and impulses. When we ignore its wisdom, we end up facing consequences. For example, if you are have insomnia, have significant life stress and are not having time for exercise, you might ignore these signals and continue to push yourself. But there is another way. A body-informed approach acknowledges the need for rest. By listening to body’s signals eventually the body becomes regulated again. Regulation and relaxation of the body are central to mental health.

Overriding my need for rest and boundaries has gotten me into a lot of trouble, including cycles of pushing and collapse. It has contributed to anxiety, depression, mania, and psychosis. A more body-informed approach ultimately improves my mental and physical health through teaching me to develop more patience to hear what my body is telling me about what it needs. The body is a compass. It tells you when you are tired, when your sad, and when you’re hungry. We lose this compass when we stop listening and override it.

When I was young, I would have been described as a high achiever, a perfectionist, someone who internalized emotions, and someone that tried to be good at everything. I felt so much pressure inside to live up to my expectations. I had so much anxiety about academic performance, being liked, and being thin. I didn’t have an internal compassionate voice telling me that I was enough.

It’s many years later that through therapy, and self-growth that I ride my wellness like a wave. I can feel my own dysregulation and stress tolerance and I have more ability to course correct before I end up in the hospital. But to be honest, it is a daily effort to ride this wave.🌊 My daily habits for sleep, diet, exercise, rest and relaxation are all crucial for my mental health. I personally have trouble being consistent with these things (especially when life is busy) so I have to stay present and dedicated to these routines.

How we care for our bodies will look different for each person. No one diet is suitable for everyone, although there are certain guidelines that can be helpful when you have a mental illness. It’s agreed that sleep is essential for mental health recovery but how much sleep you need is something you will have to work out yourself. The same is true for exercise. I will go more into these topics in the next three posts.

I think a very helpful tool is to track your wellness habits as well as your mood and other mental health symptoms. This helps you find patterns and identify triggers for symptoms but also helps to identify things that work well for maintaining mental health. You can make your own wellness chart or you can use a mood tracker app on your phone.

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There can be a synergy when you live at a pace that works for your body.

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I have referred to this story before in my posts, but it is a good example of trying to go from exhaustion and to health. Last year, when things in my life felt so incredibly overwhelming and I was stressed all the time, I was desperately trying to use as many tools as possible to keep myself from having an episode or getting physically ill. I remember I drew in my journal a power extension cord with many outlets. I started “plugging in” everything in my life that I was managing. I was taking a course, trying to start my writing business, working two jobs (one that was extremely stressful), supporting a parent who was in crisis, changing medications because of how my medications were affecting my kidneys, living through Covid and long Covid, and trying to be there for friends and family. It became very clear why I felt very stressed. My plate was not only overloaded, but it was heavy with stressful and triggering things. I was trying to find things I could unplug but at the time this felt like an impossible task.

 I really wish I could have realized sooner that even though I was using a lot of self-care tools, my life circumstances were burning me out and causing complex health issues. I think what happen for me was I was experiencing that familiar fear of failing people, and of letting them down by making choices that were positive for my health. I could have turned to my loved ones and my therapist and asked for help sorting through what I could take off my plate🆘

In the end, I had to stop working to take care of my health. This is my learning edge: being able to realize when stress is escalating and planning to address it instead of push through until I can’t go further. My point retelling this story is that my body was telling me in so many ways my stress and exhaustion were becoming unmanageable. From headaches, to dizziness, from anxiety in my chest, from up and down moods, and from muscle pain and sensation. My brain literally couldn’t function because it was in such overwhelm.

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I invite you to reflect on the time before your episode. Find a bit of space and quiet. Practice breathing or orientating through the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. Whatever brings you present. Grab a journal and pen and answer these questions. What did your life look like? What were the stresses leading up to an episode? How was your body feeling? Were you tired or exhausted? Were you very anxious about things? Were you overworking? Were you experiencing loss? I invite you to be a detective in your own recovery. Perhaps your triggers are completely different to mine. You know your body best.

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Okay, are you ready to dive into making some art?🎨

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Therapeutic Arts Activity

I want you to explore how your body speaks to you in the time before an episode, offering clues to the escalation of your mental health. This activity requires you to be able to look back on your episode without being so triggered. It could be helpful to do this activity with one of your support people.

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Instructions

Look back on one of your episodes. Write about what your life looked liked one year before, six months before, three months before, and one month before your episode. Reflect specifically about how your body felt. Include how you were sleeping, eating, and exercising. Now that you have a strong understanding of what these warning signs look like, create a drawing that represents how your body informs you before an episode.

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Materials Needed

• Pen
• Journal
• Construction paper
• Coloured markers

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Once you’ve completed this activity, here are some questions as guidelines for your personal explorations:

1. How did you feel about doing this activity?

2. What did you notice about the time before your episode?

3. Are there any patterns involving how your body felt (and how it was functioning) in the year before your episode? If your episodes are more frequent, you may have to adapt this activity and its timeline. 

4. Do you have one goal, small step or change that you’d like to make for your body?

 When I did this exercise, I had an image come into mind: a boiling kettle. First, as the kettle is put on the stove, it starts to make noises. This is not unlike the first signs of distress my body shows from stress, such as insomnia, and increased anxiety. Then as the kettle heats up, steam comes out. This is like increased warning before an episode. Things like losing appetite, feeling overwhelmed, and panic attacks might be at this stage. Finally, a fully boiling kettle represents feeling distressed in my body most of the time. As you do your drawing, think of a metaphor that works for you. A metaphor can remind you to check in with yourself. I could ask myself about how hot my kettle is getting and look at strategies for turning the burner down metaphorically speaking.

❤️❤️❤️ With care and kindness, Meegan

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