Mental Health Forgiveness: Layers of Compassion and Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am so grateful for all the people – family, friends, coworkers, and professionals – who have shown care and kindness when I have been ill. There have been so many of these people who have helped me. This post is dedicated to them. I especially want to thank my mom for her longtime support. She has been unequivocally “team Meegan” and her love and acceptance has been critical to my recovery. Together we have learned, through many ups and downs, through tears, frustrations, and through really hard challenges, to keep the compass pointed towards my recovery and to keep communicating about my mental health. We both believe in the potential for recovery for those with lived experience of mental illness and also the importance of support for their supporters.

Mental illness has a huge impact on those around us, especially our family and friends. Our behaviours when ill can cause a lot of stress on others. In an episode we can lose control of our thoughts, emotions and behaviours. It is stressful for a loved one to support someone who is in an episode while trying to care for themselves as well.

I can understand this stress because of supporting my dad through the ups and downs of rapid cycling bipolar. It is a continual learning process of how to protect my mental health from his shifts in mood so I don’t spiral with grief and anxiety while still being supportive. It can be hard to look after one’s own needs and the needs of another person who is struggling.

Supporting my dad, I have an appreciation of what my friends and family navigated when I was so ill. Here are some challenges specific to my behaviour in an episode that my friends and family have had to face:

• Changing moods
• Unusual behaviours
• Suicidal thoughts and intent
• Withdrawal into myself
• Intense fear states, like continuous panic attacks
• Risky behaviours, such as getting lost when in an episode

Here are some general challenges around my mental illness that my family and friends also have faced:

• Navigating supporting me in ongoing crises
• Having to advocate within a mental health system that is not perfect
• Balancing self-care as a supporter while caring for me
• Supporting me financially when I was ill
• Providing extra emotional support
• Making decisions about my care that were difficult

Many families and friends experience similar challenges when supporting a loved one with a mental illness. That is why support for supporters is so important. My mom currently is a Family Support Worker for the British Columbia Schizophrenia Society. In her role, she is supporting family members who are trying to get their loved ones the treatment they need. This role is crucial, as supporters have tried so many times to help their loved one and are often experiencing burnout and hopelessness.

I recognize the impact of my mental illness and experience shame because of it. Like many people with mental illness, I feel like I am a burden when I am unwell which amplifies shame. I have needed the support I have been given but recognize the impact on my loved ones. I know that I wasn’t intentionally trying to cause stress because I was so ill but it still hurts my heart to think of people I love having to struggle along with me.

Healing the impact of mental illness, for me has involved committing to my own recovery; creating respectful, loving and mutual relationships with my supporters; and, finding ways to contribute to my community. I think that is why so many people with mental illness find healing through writing, art making, speaking about their experiences, and supporting peers with mental illness. We turn suffering into healing for ourselves and others. It counteracts the feeling of shame. However, it is important to keep in mind that we aren’t to blame for having a mental illness. It is an illness and one that we didn’t choose. We don’t have to continually be trying to be perfect to “make up” for our illness. Having compassion for ourselves is key to healing shame and moving into recovery.

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As I reflect on my mental health episodes, I can see things that I have learned along the way that might be beneficial to those who want some guidance around communicating with their supporters.

1. I need to communicate when my mental health is slipping.

I know I have believed that if I push myself forward and carry on, that I will avoid an episode. It is acknowledging that I am struggling, making life changes, and receiving support that helps my mental health. This communication is essential with our closest supporters.

2. Learn as much about my recovery as possible and put this as a top priority in my life.

I am learning to protect my wellness. This requires dedication to self-care, maintaining boundaries, and keeping up with my mental health team. If I can reduce the risk of an episode or have an episode that is brief, I am helping the people who support me. I realize that I don’t know what the future holds, nor what will happen with my mental health but I can focus on doing the things that I know are important for my mental health.

3. Have discussions with friends and family of what it looks when I am sick and what my care plan looks like.

I have given a family member key medical information so they are prepared if I have another episode. What I’d like to do is ask a few friends if they would be okay if I went over my crisis plan if I am unwell. I also need to update my advanced directive to specify needs when I am in hospital or receiving treatment for an episode. For example, I do better in a psychiatric ward with my own room. I also need to include medications which I have learned are not good for me.

4. Check in with my friends and family after an episode to see if they have support.

 It can be hard to hear my impact on my loved ones but it is important that they are not left with triggers. I have had a few of these conversations but, in the past, I have always felt a lot of shame and it has been a barrier to talking about the impact of my mental illness. I encourage asking loved ones if they have enough support or if they want to talk about the impact of the episode on them.

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I make peace to some extent with bipolar and I recognize that many behaviours when I am ill are not in my control. At the same time, I know that investing in my mental health recovery may lessen the impact of potential future episodes.

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Okay, are you ready to dive into making some art?🎨

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Therapeutic Arts Activity

Create a card to give to your main supporter with a message of gratitude.

Instructions

Take a blank card and design an image on the front that represents your recovery. Inside write a letter to your main supporter thanking them for the support they have given you. You might also want to include some ways they can continue to support you in recovery.

Materials Needed

• Blank card and envelope
• Black pen
• Coloured pens

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Once you’ve completed this activity, here are some questions as guidelines for your personal explorations:

1. Who did you chose as your main supporter and why?

2. What specific ways has this person supported you?

3. How can they further support your recovery?

4. How does showing gratitude help you heal shame about the impact of your mental illness?

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I am thankful for my supporters for…

• Giving me messages of hope and love
• Engaging in activities with me to give me some relief from my symptoms
• Treating me with dignity
• Reflecting back to me messages of my worth
• Trying to get me the best mental health care and advocating for me when services are not meeting my needs
• Allowing and normalizing the pace of my recovery journey and not being critical if it takes time for me to work and live independently
• And much more…

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❤️❤️❤️  With care, gratitude, and kindness, Meegan

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