“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” — E.E. Cummings
It’s a birthday milestone today. It has me reflecting on stages of life, growth, and learning edges. When I look back at myself as a young adult, I see someone who was engaged in an active world of doing and relating, but who was not grounded in herself. When I think of my younger self, I imagine a kite that has come loose from its string. It is flying but unable to come back to the ground. For a long time, I was unable to come home to myself, to feel safe and comfortable inside, and to act out of a place of knowing.
I am compassionate (mostly 😓) to my younger self for all she did not know. Though I look back and feel some shame over some of my behaviours, I am reminded by a close friend’s words: “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.” Staying grounded is somewhat of a challenge for me still. My essential routines (regardless of where I am) are key for my mental health. My nervous system tends to get overstimulated so I need a balance of quiet and interaction, and activity and rest.
Ironically, it has been my mental health episodes that have grounded me. They have called my life to a stop, and pointed out what needs healing. This may seem like a startling sentence and perhaps challenges us to think differently about mental illness.
We often think of mental illness as something we want to get rid of (and for good reason because of all the suffering it causes). I am not trivializing the negative impact and seriousness of mental illness and how important recovery and treatment is. In truth, I wish that I could go back in time and prevent all the suffering from my own illness.
However, as I study my mental illness, I reflect on a question that Marion Woodman poses in her poetry: “What if the symptoms of my illness are trying to heal me?”
Essentially, this question asks, what can I learn from my episodes that will help me stay well? My mental health symptoms are pointing to needed healing. Instead of pathologizing these symptoms, I seek the truths within them. Within the illness lies the path to recovery.
On the surface of our lives, we define ourselves as adults in different ways. Society, however, has some specific criteria for normal adult development: learning to drive, having a career, engaging in partnerships, having families, and home ownership are some of the milestones that are associated with the development of adulthood. These milestones, of course, are social constructions. We all grow into adulthood in different ways.
I often hear from people with mental illness that they just want a normal life. It can be a great source of shame if we do not meet society’s criteria for success. It is partly why I kept doggedly at my career path even when it was a source of stress. I needed to feel normal and to have some belonging in my community. We all need achievements or to reach milestones that help us feel good about ourselves. We all need a degree of stability for our mental health. I consider these resources and they look different for each person, although safe housing, financial stability, social connection, and meaningful purpose seem like common foundations.
However, it is when there is conflict between who we are and how society expects us to be that stress, tension, grief, and uncertainty can emerge. I believe, in part, becoming an adult is choosing to create a life more aligned with who you are and your values. If it differs in ways from what most people are doing, we need to find an inner strength to stay true to our own compass. I think our mental health depends on it.
That being said, we are in constant evolution and interaction with the world, so we are growing and changing all the time. We can’t necessarily define ourselves and keep this identity static. However, knowing some core aspects of self can be so helpful for recovery. As we chose to listen to ourselves, I have found life presents opportunities that align with who we are.
Making art and writing have been some of my greatest tools of recovery and growth. Last year, I had to make a big life decision. I was feeling a lot of grief and fear. I knew the answer but was waiting for the parts of me that felt vulnerable to get stronger. I literally had this drawing of a fork in the road with my two paths and possible outcomes. I would look at it often to sense which direction to go. I also wrote a card to myself, creating a picture on the front to help remind myself of what was important as I was making big shifts in my life. Art, again, was healing me. The following is a quote from a study on art therapy and healthy adult development:
“Art therapy appears to offer ways to strengthen healthy adult functioning because it provides an opportunity for people to come in contact with their own feelings and needs as well as those of others. In art therapy interventions, processes are often more felt than thought, and approaches appeal to the integration and growth of the whole person” (Haeyen, 2019, pg.).
My body’s compass and my creativity are part of my recovery, helping me to become a whole person as an adult.
Here are some questions that might be useful for those with lived experience of mental illness:
1. What are your episodes teaching you about yourself? Can you identify psychological, emotional, and behavioural patterns that contribute to your illness?
2. What does adulthood mean to you and how can you align your life and recovery with your values? If you feel like you have a long way to develop the life you want, where can you find support, both within yourself and in your community? Large change often happens in small, consistent steps. What can you do today for your recovery?
Okay, are you ready to dive into making art?🎨
Therapeutic Arts Activity
Write a letter to yourself and draw an image about what is important to you right now in your life. Try to capture both concrete goals and also deeper longings.
Instructions
Reflect on recent journal entries, dreams, art and strong feelings. Create a card with an image and letter to yourself about what is important to you right now. You may have a decision to make or you just might need to connect with yourself. Keep it to look at when you feel like you need a reminder of your truth.
Materials Needed
- Blank card and envelope
- Black pen
- Coloured pens
Once you’ve completed this activity, here are some questions as guidelines for your personal explorations:
1. Did you have any resistance to this activity? Did any emotion surface?
2. Was there any disconnect between what you wrote and how you are experiencing life now?
3. Is there something calling for you to make change?
4. What is one step towards this?
Wishing you well on your recovery journey ❤️❤️❤️ With care and kindness, Meegan
In the spirit of creating a community of reflection and art making, your comments are welcome. If you choose to leave a comment, it is important to know I respect your privacy. Your information will not be given, lent, rented, or sold to anyone. However, when making a comment on the site, your IP address and browser user will be collected. Please see full Privacy details on my Privacy Policy Page Privacy Policy. If you are having a mental health emergency, please take care of yourself, and call 911 or take yourself to emergency at your closest hospital.
Sources:
Haeyen S. Strengthening the Healthy Adult Self in Art Therapy: Using Schema Therapy as a Positive Psychological Intervention for People Diagnosed With Personality Disorders. Front Psychol. 2019 Mar 22;10:644. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00644. PMID: 30967824; PMCID: PMC6441831.
Woodman, M. & Mellick, J. (1998). Coming Home To Myself: Reflections for Nurturing a Woman’s Body and Soul. Conari Press: San Francisco, California.
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